Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

We had our last day of school. Man this year flew by fast! I now have a Kindergarten graduate and a middle schooler! All 3 kids did great this year. While physical changes aren't as easy to notice in the picture, the internal changes are enormous! I am so proud of my kids!

14 Weeks

That is how long I will be away from my babies, husband, family and friends. 14 weeks. That's how long I have to learn to become a police officer.

This is all pretty bittersweet. Being a police officer is something I have wanted for several years. But now that it's here, I am freaked out. The most I have ever been away from my children is a few days. To clarify, I do get to come home on the weekends. But,I still feel the guilt of missing their first day of school, Big's birthday, school pictures and many other things. My kids are my life. For the past 11 years they are what I have lived for. I have taken them to school or daycare and been home when they got home. I have kissed boo-boos and dried tears. I have broken up my fair share of arguments. And I have witnessed the bonds that only siblings know. My husband. He is my biggest cheerleader. Through the lengthy hiring process he stood behind me. He lifted my spirits when they were scraping the bottom. For 14 weeks he is going to be a single parent to 3 lively children. Even when I have worked strange shifts (which has been the majority of our marriage), we have parented as a team. I'm not sure what kind of teamwork we can do via Skype, but I guess we will figure it out.

Then, there is the schooling. I have been out of school for a LONG time. I left college when I was pregnant with my oldest. I will spend 14 weeks in classes, studying and taking tests. I will learn defensive tactics and push my body to it's limits in physical training. I will be pepper sprayed. I will learn to shoot a gun. At 33 years old I am starting a whole new phase of my life. I am excited and scared.

In 12 weeks I will be pulling out of my driveway and saying goodbye to a job I have loved for almost 11 years. But hopefully, in November I will be graduating and welcoming a new career into our lives.

What is the Meaning of Patience?

Well, that question has come back to bite me in the butt! For those that don't know me, when the kids were younger (and sometimes still) and they were being impatient, that was the question I would pose. Their response was to be, "Waiting without complaining." It was a good way to make them stop what they were doing and refocus their energy.

Now it has come full circle. Damn, I hate it when that happens! We are still waiting on the results of the officer position. Yes, I did pass both my written (with a 97%!) and my physical (1 min, 35 sec). I have had my panel interview. I have turned in the rights to my first-born child, I mean my personal history statement. (A HUGE packet that they ask all kinds of questions.) Now, it's just a waiting game. I am not good at waiting. At all. But, I know this is good for me. There is a lot more that goes into all of this, but I refuse to let it consume my life. What will be, will be. I know that no matter the outcome, I did my best. I was myself and didnt' compromise my values. And, if I don't get it, I still have a job. It's taken a while for me to be at peace with all of this, but it has definitely helped my mood. So, now we continue to wait. I don't have anywhere to be. I know that I am not in control and for once, I am feeling OK with it.

Sharing is Caring, right???

Not in this case. Holy moly. Every day I am begging the kids to share. "Please share your laptop with your little brother." "Please share your markers with your little brother" "Please share the last of the girl scout cookies with me." Anyway, LOTS of lectures on sharing. I thought they normally fell on deaf ears. Apparently not. The other night Little Bit wanted a drink of Big Bit's cherry-lime slush and she complied. Yay for sharing! Boo for what happened next. She shared...GERMS! Holy-Virus-Almighty! Our house is full of fevers, coughing and lots and lots of snot. Gross. First, Middle Bit had it a few weeks ago. When the others didn't get it I felt soooo lucky. Nope. Then it was hubs' turn. Then Big, now Little's. I love my kids, but am hoping my sharing lecture went in one clogged-up ear and out the other this time.

Wishing everyone in blog-land a happy, and snot-free weekend!

Why Little Bit Always Wins an Argument

Me: What do you do if someone tries to take you?

Middle: SCREAM "That's not my mommy! That's not my daddy!"

Me: Very good!

Little: "Ah, I'd just bust out a karate move! Or, I'd poke him with a stick!"

Me: (Thud: falling off my chair laughing)

*******************************************************************************

Me: If you touch any of these boxes of cookies I will cut off your hands!

Little: But then how will I wipe my butt?

And how exactly am I supposed to argue with that logic?

A Jumbled Up Mess

That's my life right now. Just when I thought things were going my way, I got side-swiped. And what's worse, is it was by someone near and dear to me. As hard as it is, I have had to make the decision to remove this person not only from my life, but the lives of my children.

It is one thing to hurt ME, or disappoint ME. It is another thing all-together to hurt or disappoint my kids. I can no longer make excuses or mend hearts, especially when mine is broken. I can't explain things to them when I don't understand.

My children are everything to me. They are the beat of my heart, the breath to my life. I know I can't always shelter them from harm, but I can at least try for now. I can only hope that things will get better and that history won't repeat itself.

Testing...Testing...1, 2, 3...

I am not a good "test" person. I will be the first to admit it. I am not a book-smart person. But, for some reason I decided to test to be a police officer. Yep, you read right; I will have a gun. Well, maybe. With the dissolution of emergency dispatch and the forming of a 24 hour records unit, it has made it necessary to make staffing cuts. The Department has decided to create a "station officer" position. Unlike Wichita whose BOF's are civilians, Derby has decided that theirs will be fully commissioned. That means those of us that apply have to go through the testing, and if selected we go to the 14 week academy in Hutchinson.

Most of you don't know, but being an officer is something I have wanted to do for a very long time. I remember shortly after hiring on at Derby, having a conversation with my Lieutenant about my goals and aspirations. I had planned on getting on as a reserve then ended up pregnant. Twice. Then kids and life in general took over. I never stopped wanting to pursue the career, but there were other things more important. However, I am one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason. As much as I was upset about them dissolving dispatch, I feel like I was put in this place to pursue my goal. I feel that a door has been opened and I have been given the chance I'd been hoping for. But, I also truly believe that if I don't get it, it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes in life we just need to be tested.

So, now begins the process. On Friday I will take a written exam. (Yikes!) It will consist of math (double yikes), reading comprehension, spelling/grammar, sentence structure and essay. I feel like I'm about to take the CAT test all over again. Each section is timed and is required that you receive at least a 70%. Once that is done, I will take the physical agility in which I have 1 minute, 43 seconds to run around our station, up flight of stairs then back down, drag a 150 pound dummy for 30 feet, roll under a garage door that is open 18 inches, recite my alphabet then dry fire a pistol 6 times and a shotgun 4 times. I am not afraid to admit that I am scared out of my mind. There is more to the hiring process, but this is the first step. If I don't pass, I don't move on.

So, that's what's new in my world. If you think about it on Friday, say a prayer for me!