Family

Today I want to touch on my family. Most of you know I have an amazing family. I have been blessed with a great family tree. When Nathan and I got married, it expanded that much more. But, today is about the people who have come into my life that break the bounds of genetics or branches of a family tree. It's the family we create as we go through life. The people who start out as friends, but become part of our hearts. In this realm, I am also truly, truly blessed.

To start with, there is Alayna. She and I have been friends since preschool. She has been a sister to me for many, many years. She has always been Aunti Layna to my kids and I don't see that changing.

Then, I have my work family. I can't even type about this without my eyes tearing up. I have made friends at work that have touched my lives in ways that I never imagined. My children have aunts and uncles who love them as if they were there own blood. I never knew that co-workers could impact my life so much.

Then there are people like Christie, who I met through chance. When other people were speaking badly of me, she gave me a chance. She sought out the true me, not the person I was being made out to be. She has been a lifesaver to me.

I know there are many others and I could spend all day naming people, but my ADD makes my mind wander too much. I don't often get a chance to tell people how much they mean to me. Or what they mean to my family. I never knew I had so much room in my heart for so many people. So for my friends and my family; thank you for touching my life. Thank you for allowing me into your hearts. Thank you for the grace and mercy you have shown me through the years. My life and my world are a better place because you are in it.

Th(ink) About It

Hi. My name is Marissa and I am a tattooed mama. There, I said it. Do you look at me any differently? To answer some of your questions. 1. I currently have 6. 2. No, I don't have "sleeves". 3. Yes, they hurt. No, I am not masochistic. 4. Yes they are all in "public" place. I do not have to take you into a private room for you to see them.

I know your biggest question is, "Why?" I have people ask me this all the time. Well, why not? But, that isn't my answer. I got my first tattoo when I was 19. I went with a sorority sister and got a ladybug and my letters. I wanted something that was part of me and would always be part of me. Even though I didn't finish out college at Pitt, my memories of the times with my beloved Alpha Sigs are still in my heart. I went several years before getting another tattoo. I don't really know why. I knew I wanted another one, but just couldn't think of what to get. Finally, I knew. On my right ankle there is an angel with a pink and blue ribbon behind her. There are also 2 small butterflies. This was my closure for the babies I lost to misscarriage. Nathan and I have two confirmed miscarriages and I had always wanted to honor them in some way. It was strange, as I got my tattoo and it hurt, it was almost as if I was letting go some of the pain I had carried inside of me through the years.

Then, came the last year and a half. It has been a whirlwind of things. Life has just been flat-out, balls to the wall CRAZY. And in that time, I have received 4 more tattoos. A very good friend of mine is trying to start up a tattoo business. So, she had a party and I decided I wanted something for my three littles. I got a pea pod which contains three little peas. Then,I got my owl. (That one gets lots of questions.) I got it earlier this year. I decided that this year was my year. The owl represents knowledge and I wanted to learn things this year; whether about myself or others. It is also known to be a protector. It sits right above my pea pod and watches over my little peas just as I watch over my little ones. Then, my cupcake. Yes, a cupcake. Why? It's fun. It reminds me that even as a 32 year old mom that it's still ok to be girly and have fun. That life doesn't always have to be boring. Over the weekend, I got my runner. If you read my blog you know that I have been running.

Still, I'm sure this doesn't answer the WHY to it all. This is my scrapbook. As a wife and mom, we are often on the other side of the camera capturing the lives of those around us. But who is capturing our lives? This is my way of taking what is happening in my life and capturing it. It will always be there for others to see. Like a picture, it may fade or get wrinkled. But the meaning is still there. I will try to get pictures posted later of my scrapboook.

Am I a Princess?

Yes, a strange question. But, I have something weighing on my heart and mind. I'm sure I've spoken before of Christie. If not, she is one of my best friends and my running partner. She is my kick in the pants that I often need to keep going. She is wonderful. (Love ya, Christie!) Anyway, she has taken a huge leap of faith and signed on to do the Disney Princess Half Marathon at Disney World in February. She is doing it as part of Team in Training (which benefits LLS). Christie wants me to join her. I am scared to death. For one, I don't know if I can get the money raised in time. I would have to raise $3300. That's a lot of money. And if I can't raise all of it, I don't get to go. And it's not like if I come up short that I can just write a check for the difference. Second, how am I going to train? I work third shift and I get 40 minutes at lunch. That is when I normally do my daily run. If I really push it, I can get in 3 miles. Yeah, that isn't going to cut it! I would need to figure out a way to train my body and lungs to withstand 13.1 miles. (Just writing that amount gives me anxiety.) And third, what if I DO raise the money and what if I DO train my butt off and then get down there and hit a wall and can't finish? I don't so much care about coming in dead-butt last (but NOT coming in dead-butt last would be a great thing), but what if I hit that "wall" and can't keep going? I'm scared of disappointing everyone. Ugh! I hate feeling this way! I need to decide pretty quickly on what to do. I keep praying that God will provide me an answer, but we all know that it doesn't come that easily. So, if you read this blog and have any input, send it along! I am always open for comments and/or criticism. My skin is pretty thick,so be honest. While I do think a tiara on my head might be a good look, I need some honesty!

Now What?

I am at a crossroads and am really stuck on which way to go. If you follow my blog, you know I began running back in July. I have competed in 3 5K events with a couple more approaching. But, I don't know where to go with my running. Do I just keep doing 5K's and hope it stays satisfying? That really isn't my personality. I really want to do more. I want to take it up a notch. But, I don't know how. I have several friends and acquaintances who recently ran either a half or a full marathon. I was so proud of them. But, I did feel a pang of jealousy. I feel like I need to set a goal like that and work towards it. But, I just don't know how. When I started all of this back in July, it was just to help out a fellow dispatcher. I had no idea I would actually like it! I wasn't emotionally prepared for what was to come. So, here I sit. I look back and know I don't want to go back to the sedentary lifestyle I was leading. But I have choices to make and really don't what to do. I have been praying about it and I guess I will continue to do so. I don't do well with confusion. I'm a control freak and I like to make plans. But, I have learned that when I plan, God laughs.

Watch Me Run!

Ok, so I probably don't qualify as a "runner". I'm more of a very fast walker or a slow jogger. Wogging? Jogker? Regardless, I am still doing it. My good friend Christie and I keep each other in check. We are there to cheer each other on and provide a little kick when needed.

When I began walking back in July I never thought I would be getting ready to run my third 5K. (Third in 3 weeks!) I am actually kind of impressed. Other than gymnastics or softball, I never really stuck with anything. And I think when I started all of this, I got a lot of behind-the-back eye rolls and such. I'm not sure what kind of confidence people had in me. Heck, I'm not sure I had it in myself. But, with each week I felt myself getting stronger; both physically and mentally. I'm not fast by any means. When I did my first 5K (Race for the Cure), I was extremely nervous. I didn't want to make a fool of myself. But, I asked that God calm my nerves and He did. As we took off running, my eyes welled up with tears. It was a great feeling to see so many people out for a great cause. As I crossed the finish line (upright), I was again all teary. I waited for Christie and as I saw her round the corner my heart swelled for her. I cheered her on and hugged her as she crossed the line. We did it again last weekend for Rosstoberfest. We both improved our time and made it up the giant hill without dying. And now we have our third one this coming weekend. It is the Prairie Fire 5K. We run against the Mayor of Wichita. And, we all get medals! It will probably be the one and only I get in my running career so I will take it!

When I started walking and adding in the running, I prayed to God that He would strengthen my heart, lungs and body. That He would help me get back that mental strength I have lost somewhere along the way. That I would regain the faith in myself even if nobody else had it. And He has provided. Every night that I go out, I still pray and I give thanks to Him. I may not be a true runner, but I am in my own heart.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."