Saturday, May 15, 2010

An Anniversary That Won't Soon be Forgotten!

May 12th started out like any other day for me. I arrived home on Tuesday just after 11. I laid in bed forever wishing for sleep. Watched the clock roll over and silently told my husband "happy anniversary". I think I finally fell asleep around 2am. Nothing out of the ordinary. Little did I know that in a a few short hours my day would be upside down.

Around 5 am I awoke to some pain in my side. I attributed it to normal "female stuff" so I got up and immediately took some ibuprofen. I dinked around waiting for it to kick in. OK, so it was taking a little longer than usual and this pain was BAD. I kissed Nathan goodbye and reminded him of my obligations for the day. There ended my "normal" day. Within 20 minutes I was in excruciating pain. Pain I had never experienced before (and remember, I have 3 children). Nothing made it better. I tried every position I could think of. I knew this was beyond the help of ibuprofen. I called Nathan and told him I needed to go the the hospital. I then called my best friend, Kinzi and asked her to come take care of the kids. It seemed like an eternity before Nathan got there. He could tell this was more than "female stuff". He kept asking if he needed to call an ambulance, but I said no. I didn't want to scare the kids any more than they already were. He helped me get dressed and into the car just as Kinzi pulled up. He gave her instructions and off we went. I tossed and turned in the car trying to get comfortable. But the pain just got worse. I prayed that God would help me find that "place" where I could breathe through it. Finally I relented and instructed Nathan to pull over at the fire station/medic post in Derby and get me some help. I was quickly put into the ambulance where they hooked me up to an IV, shot in pain meds and took me to the hospital. The paramedic quickly realized that I was beyond their help. When two doses of painkillers didn't phase my pain, he knew I wasn't faking it. We pulled into the ambulance bay and I was inside the hospital in no time. For hours I writhed around in pain. I had nurses and doctors poking and prodding me. I layed there crying out in pain because I didn't know what else to do. They provided me with more painkillers on 2 different occassions, only to see they weren't helping. I was put through a CT scan, an external ultrasound and an internal ultrasound. Then, more waiting. Nathan and my parents took turns holding my hand and trying to keep me calm. All the while, I could read the worry and helplessness on their faces. After a while the doctor came in and told me that they believed I had a twisted ovary (known as ovarian torsion) and that I had a 4cm cyst inside my right ovary that looked bad. Surgery was the only answer. With that I was given another shot of painkillers (that actually worked) and the rude nurse knew I wasn't faking my pain. Calls were made and plans were put into place. I was told I'd be taken upstairs where I would wait for the surgical team to be ready for me. Next thing I know is they are coming into my ER room and taking me directly to surgery. They decided that it was too dangerous to wait. They wheeled me down to surgery where I kissed Nathan goodbye. A half hour later I was getting drugs and that was all I could remember. The next thing I remember is them waking me up in recovery. And I was no longer in any pain. (Thank you God!) Soon I was taken upstairs and put in a room where I was shown pictures of what they found once they got inside. It was unbelieveable! The surgeon said he'd never seen anything like it. Their initial thought of ovarian torsion was correct. My right ovary was extremely twisted. However, the cyst theory was incorrect. What they thought was the cyst was my actual ovary. Due to the twisting it had allowed blood in, but it wouldn't allow it to flow out. My ovary at the time of removal was larger than my uterus and completely full of blood. All you could see was a large, purple mass. It was insane looking. I thanked God for taking care of me and guiding the doctors and nurses and surgeon. I was a very lucky woman.

So, that was how I spent my 9th anniversary. In a hospital hooked up to monitors, having surgery and recovering. I was released the next day with orders to "not overdo it". I must tell you, I'm not so great at following orders. But, I know the power of prayer does work. I had so many people praying for me and all of our prayers were answered. I never meant for this anniversary to be so memorable, but it sure turned out that way. I guess God has his reasons for everything.

Monday, May 10, 2010

I'm a Weight Watcher

Yes, I am. The past year I have watched it go up! In all seriousness, I've dealt with weight issues most of my life. Some might say I have body dismorphic issues, and that's a possibility. But, most of my adolescent life I was told by a family member that I was "fat". In all reality, I probably wasn't, but as a teenager you don't see it that way. My weight has always fluctuated and I've never been a "skinny" girl. I have curves and meat on my bones. Now that I'm older I can look back and see how ridiculous I was to believe I was fat. How are you fat and wear a size 1? But, I'm no longer a teenager who works out everyday. I am now a middle-aged mom of 3 kids who works insanely weird hours. I'm tired, a lot. Forget tired, I'm exhausted. Working out and eating right have been something that I've put on the back burner for a long time. But, because of work, my weight is now blaringly obvious. My cholesterol is out of control. So, it's time I do something about it. I've joined Weight Watchers. (gulp) I can't believe I'm admitting it. But, there is also something freeing about admitting it. I know that I need help and that I can no longer do this alone. Nor can I ignore it. I had my first meeting last week where I had my initial weigh-in. (No, I will not tell you my weight.) But I will tell you that I have set my goal for 35 pounds. I'd like to lose more, but we will see. I'm hoping that with the support of my co-workers that I can once again find the motivation to be healthy. I want my kids to look at me and see someone healthy. So, I'm learning how to eat again. I'm only allowed so many "points" a day, so keeping track of my food is a must. It isn't fun, I won't lie. I want so much to down a chocolate bar or get a blizzard from DQ. But, I know I will feel guilty later. So, if I seem a little rough or that my patience is running thin, please know most of it isn't personal. I'm just having issues! But, I look forward to the day when I can post that not only am I a Weight Watcher, I'm also a goal achiever!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Only Commas

As I was flipping through the radio stations this morning, I came across a worship service that caught my attention. I listened for a while and heard the minister say something that stuck. She said, "There are periods in our walk of life with God, only commas." Which meant, in our relationship with God, there is no end, only beginnings. What a great way to think of things. Our walk is never over. If you believe and have accepted Christ into your heart, your journey will continue.

With today being Mother's Day, that means a lot to me. It means that because my mom has Christ in her heart, my time with her has no end. And, the same for my kids. They love God and he fills their hearts. So, I know that even in death we will still have each other. Even bigger than that, we will continue on this glorious journey with Christ, together.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Time for a Mulligan

For those of you that play golf, or even miniature golf you know what I mean when I refer to a "mulligan". It's kind of a second chance, but if you are playing with the right people you can get quite a few. That's how I view my relationship with God. He gives me LOTS of mulligans. When I don't quite make the shot the first time, He is there to let me try again. Thanks goodness! I've always had a love for Christ in my heart. I grew up going to Sunday School and learning His ways. In junior high I attended a camp for FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) and while I was there I remember being overcome with emotion hearing Roger Cooper speak and deciding to dedicate my life to Christ. I remember tears streaming down my face, but my shoulders feeling lighter than they had in some time. When I got home I was bursting with pride. However, being a teenager I didn't quite lead that Christ-like life. But, He continued to give me chances.

When I had Haley I had every intention on bringing her up in the church and wanting her to love Jesus the way that I did. But, I let life get in the way and that hasn't happened. I believe God started an intervention last year. Haley befriended a girl at school who invited her to Caravans, which is a weekly Bible study group. She began going and learning. Soon she was spreading her knowledge to her brother and sister. Over the summer the girls attended a couple different Vacation Bible School programs. They had a glow to them I hadn't seen before. They taught Grayson songs and dances and they reveled in the glow of God. Summer came and went and all 3kids were invited to attend Caravans this year. They love it. They have a joy in their heart that I can't explain.

So, then it comes back to me. I miss that joy in my heart. I NEED that joy. So, I am starting over. I'm taking a mulligan. It's time that I take a step in the right direction and give my life back over to God. I know that He is there waiting. For my friends who are following a path to Christ, I'll need your help. I'm scared and nervous and whatever other word you want to put in there. But, I'm also excited. I need this and I need Him.