Becoming a Reality

It's hard to believe that in just over a month I will be leaving for the academy. While this is something I have wanted for a long time, I don't want anyone to think this is easy. I have so many mixed emotions about all of it. For starters, leaving my family. Yes, my children are in the capable hands of my husband and they will be busy with sports and school. While they may not miss me so much, I know I will be missing them. I've worked crazy shifts throughout the years, but I've always seen them at least once a day and been able to love on them. Then, there is my work family; the women I work with in dispatch. While we have had our disagreements over the years, they have been here to share in my lowest of lows and my highest of highs. I feel terrible leaving them. I hope they know how much their friendship means to me. I hope they know how hard this is to leave them. I feel bad because I am leaving the section short-handed and I hate for them to be in a bind. And it seems the longer I stay in here, the harder and harder it's getting to say goodbye.

In order to get ready I am taking a couple weeks vacation. Partly because Big is going away to summer camp so I am losing my helper with the other two. And, I just want a little extra time with my family. I want to be able to visit my grandpa in the nursing home and not feel rushed because I have ten thousand things to do, or exhausted because I have worked all night. I know my time with him is limited and I want it to be special. I want to have date nights with each of my kids. I want them to know how special they are to me. I want a date night with my husband. Those are few and far between as it is and I know in the following months it will be more difficult. I'd like a night out with "my girls". I want the special women in my life to know how much I appreciate them lifting me up and being a support through all of this. I'd like to have a family dinner with my parents, sister, brother and sister-in-law, inlaws, the whole nine yards. I want to take the time to toast them because I know I wouldnt' have had the courage to go through with all of this without them. There is so much I want to get done and not enough days in the month.

I am such an emotional mess that this blog may be all some people get because I don't know that I will be able to look at them without bawling. So, if that is the case, thank you. Thank you for saying a prayer for me. Thank you for encouraging words. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on or a sounding board for my vents of frustration. Thank you for taking the time to make me feel worthy of all of this when often I didn't. Thank you for allowing me to quit when I felt it was my only option. Thank you for understanding that I did this for the benefit of my family and not to hurt anyone else. Thank you for instilling peace in my heart. Thank you just for being you.