Thursday, March 13, 2008

Making myself happy?

How do you do it? I've always been a people pleaser, putting other's happiness before my own. Before it was my parents and friends, now it's my children. It used to make me happy that I made others happy, but I'm starting to not feel that way. Not that I don't want others to be happy, but I'm beginning to wonder when it's my turn. We moved to Olathe with the hope and promise that things were going to be better for us. That the money we'd be making would offset the the cost of living and give us some extra to pay down debt. Such has not been the case. Neither Nathan or I are making what was told to us and we are struggling just as much, if not more, than we were in Wichita. It doesn't help that I don't really have any friends up here that I can turn to. I have girls I work with that are nice, but if the complaint is about work, how do I do that? I'm just very disenchanted with a lot of things right now. I think a lot of it is that I am homesick. Nathan can go back to Wichita anytime and still have a job with the same company. I don't have that luxury. I can't go back to Derby making starting wage and since I don't have my degree, I can't get a job paying me what I make now. I just don't know what to do. I DO know that my unhappiness is leaking out into my daily life. I have a shorter temper with Nathan and the kids and things are work irritate me easily. I just feel like I'm not myself anymore. I can't make anyone happy because I'm so unhappy with myself and the way my life is going. Do I just suck it up and deal with it because the kids are finally getting settled in and making friends? Do I start looking elsewhere for a job? I just don't know...I just know that I want to be happy.

2 comments:

Chelle said...

Hey Girl! I'm sorry that you're having a rough time! I can only imagine how hard it is to pick up and move for something better and then it NOT be at all what it was supposed to! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers! I hope things start looking up for ya! I totally know what you mean about putting everyone else first and leaving yourself for last! Hang in there! Even though it doesn't seem like it, there is a purpose for everything :) *HUGS*

MamaMia said...

I'm sorry about all this. Uprooting your lives is so hard and such a gamble. I have done it so many times, only it was just me. We are all hear for you! Come down sometime so I can finally meet you.