Thursday, March 13, 2008
Making myself happy?
How do you do it? I've always been a people pleaser, putting other's happiness before my own. Before it was my parents and friends, now it's my children. It used to make me happy that I made others happy, but I'm starting to not feel that way. Not that I don't want others to be happy, but I'm beginning to wonder when it's my turn. We moved to Olathe with the hope and promise that things were going to be better for us. That the money we'd be making would offset the the cost of living and give us some extra to pay down debt. Such has not been the case. Neither Nathan or I are making what was told to us and we are struggling just as much, if not more, than we were in Wichita. It doesn't help that I don't really have any friends up here that I can turn to. I have girls I work with that are nice, but if the complaint is about work, how do I do that? I'm just very disenchanted with a lot of things right now. I think a lot of it is that I am homesick. Nathan can go back to Wichita anytime and still have a job with the same company. I don't have that luxury. I can't go back to Derby making starting wage and since I don't have my degree, I can't get a job paying me what I make now. I just don't know what to do. I DO know that my unhappiness is leaking out into my daily life. I have a shorter temper with Nathan and the kids and things are work irritate me easily. I just feel like I'm not myself anymore. I can't make anyone happy because I'm so unhappy with myself and the way my life is going. Do I just suck it up and deal with it because the kids are finally getting settled in and making friends? Do I start looking elsewhere for a job? I just don't know...I just know that I want to be happy.