Patience

If you ask any of my kids what patience means, they will tell you "waiting without complaining". Apparently, I need to practice a bit of this myself. After wallowing in pity and pretty much giving up, Derby posted the ad this morning. So, now I'm a ball of emotions and I haven't even filled out the application! Not to worry, I will. But, I was going through it and realized that I forgot to renew my driver's license! YIKES! Somehow that escaped me. So, I have to go get a new license today so I can have a proper expiration date. We haven't really told a lot of people what is going on. Well, unless you count the whole internet, but not THAT many people read my blog. So, I will finish my application later, then the true test of patience will begin.

Decisions

It sucks being lead on. I got a call last Monday from my old Lt. with Derby telling me they were opening up a position and would I be interested in applying. It was a call I'd been waiting for. For the last week I've checked their website multiple times a day just so I wouldn't miss it. Well, it's been like a week and a half and I'm beginning to think that my dream of going back is gone. So now I have a decision to make. Do I start a job hunt for Wichita and do something different with my life or do I stay in Olathe doing what I'm doing?

At a Crossroads (crazies and asshats unite!)

Where to begin? It's been a while since I've been on. Our online access is limited at work (ie NO blogging websites). The last month has been packed full of nothingness and chaos at the same time. Haley finished school and is home for the summer. We had a meeting at work saying we weren't getting a raise this year. (This from the same city who doesn't provide shift differential or yearly cost of living raises.) On top of that, half the department has one foot out the door. We have now had our normal shifts (8-12-12-8) taken away and are going to 5, 8-hour shifts. Bye-bye 3 day weekend and having Sat-Mon off. Nathan's work doesn't have anything locally so he is bouncing between Overland Park, Lawrence, Iola and Wichita. They also change their minds multiple times a day as to where he is supposed to be, so I'm never really sure where he is working. We no longer have daycare because my provider decided to get off her meds and piss me off. So, I'm currently working all night, then coming home and taking care of the kids. Then I sleep when Woody gets home until it's time for me to go to work. I'm a real peach right now. Yes, I have feelers out there for new daycare. I've decided we'll probably not go with another in-home provider because the kids need stability and Woody and I need to know that we have reliable care for them. We're also looking into the option of hiring a nanny/housekeeper, but we will see which is more affordable. OK, I think that covers the crazies and asshats.

For my crossroads. What do I do? Nathan and I have decided if the opportunity presents itself, we will move back to Wichita. I thought I'd found that opportunity, but it was short-lived. However, it doesn't mean another won't come along. We agreed last year that we would give it (Olathe) a year and see how we felt. Our year is almost up and we've decided that we just don't belong here; that it will never be "home" to us. With all the crazies and asshats (see above) we need family and friends to be buffers and sounding boards. It just isn't the same over the phone or through email. Olathe/Johnson County isn't a bad place, it just isn't the place for us. With that being said, it may end up that we are here another couple of years (not by choice). If a job opportunity isn't availabe before the new school year begins, we won't move (unless they make a deal we can't refuse). It's bad enough Haley will have to start a new school, but I don't want her to try and do it in the middle of a school year. We are still second-guessing our decisions, but I guess only time will tell. We thought we'd made the decision to stay and then I got homesick and frustrated.

Anyway, that's my life right now; decisions, crazies and asshats.

Our Journey

It's hard to believe it has been just over a year since we took a different road in our journey of life, marriage, parenting and jobs. Last May is when I began the hiring process with Olathe. This coming Friday will mark a year since my interview and polygraph. It doesn't seem possible. Once we started down this road, everything became a blur. We began preparing our kids, family and friends on the possibilities of what might lie ahead. Even though we were walking into it blind ourselves, we didn't want anyone, especially the kids taken by surprise. It was June when I got the call offering me the job and a mere few weeks later when we moved. I will say, it hasn't been easy. It's been a huge adjustment for all of us. Throughout the year I've constantly second-guessed my decision, but I'm finally coming to peace with it. I still miss my family and friends. I've had friends pretty much drop off the face of the earth, but I've had others step up and keep me going. I think my marriage was also saved by the move. We've had to rely on each other and don't have the interference we did before. The kids are learning to love it up here. Haley loves her school and our neighborhood is full of schoolmates. When we looked at moving back to Wichita, we had to take her into consideration. She's been in 3 different schools in 3 years. That's a lot for a little girl. So, putting our children and their happiness first, it looks like we will continue down this road that God led us to. We know it won't be easy, but for that we are prepared.

Time for a change

I still can't quite believe it. Last night I had about 6 inches cut off my hair. I've been trying to grow it out forever and it was finally down past my shoulders WITH it being curly. It's now a chin-length bob. It looks cute, but I still surprise myself when I look in the mirror. But, it was time. All I did was put it up in a ponytail. Plus, I was shedding so much I there are days I could have made a wig for Barbie! But, most of all, I needed this for myself. I was just in a rut. I've only got 10 lbs left until I hit my weight-loss goal (I've now lost 35 lbs) and I needed this. I've tried buying myself new clothes and decided I now hate shopping. (I know some of you are gasping considering I used to be a shopping queen.) I think a lot of it is because I'm so used to seeing the extra weight on me that when I try on clothes I still see the fat. So, maybe this fresh new look will help me out.

Time for an update

OK, so my last couple of posts have been downers. Sorry. So, I thought I'd take a few minutes to spin you up on what is going on with our family.

I'll start with the kiddos. Haley is almost done with 2nd grade. She is doing VERY well. She is reading at a 4th grade level and her math skills are amazing. She continually scores in the top of her class. (She must get that from Woody!) She has a "best friend" that lives next door and they are together ALL the time. Mariah is growing like a weed. She had her 4th birthday in January and thinks she is 14-with the attitude to match. She is definitely a middle child! She is so much like me; dramatic and over the top! She is also very free-spirited. She begs me every day to go to school, so I'm looking into local pre-schools for her. Grayson is approaching his 3rd birthday and it's setting in that he is no longer a baby. He is now potty-trained, even at night. It happened in less than a month's time. He was easier than the girls! He is a very emotional child and needs to learn to express himself through words and not tantrums. So, I'm trying to work with him on it. He and Mariah started a new sitter and we'll see how it goes. She thought she was ready for them, but I think they are going to end up being too much for her.

Nathan and I are doing OK. I'm working 3rd shift, which is difficult, but I'm trying to adjust. Obviously by my last few posts you can tell that I am homesick. Nathan thinks it's because of my job, and that may just be the case. I'm trying to get ready for a garage sale. I have 3 tubs full of clothes and a few other things. But, I need more than that for a successful sale. I've never done a garage sale on my own, so it should be interesting! Nathan is still working for the same company. I guess he likes his job. I wish they'd quit screwing with him, though. They expect him to do the work of a foreman without the pay. He drives pretty far every day and with the price of gas (especially diesel for the truck), a raise in pay would be nice!

It's hard to believe our journey here started just under a year ago. Who knew what started out as an innocent phone call to compare pay scales would result in a move! I'm still trying to make friends, but it's hard working 3rd shift. Plus, I'm just not the outgoing person I used to be. I find it hard to put myself out there. I need to work on that. I also started my weight-loss journey around this time last year. So far I have lost over 30 lbs. I have about 10 more to go and I'll be at my goal. Anything after that is just icing on the cake.

That's about it for now. I'll try to post pics once I figure out how!

You're Gonna Miss This

I thought I had it rough growing up in a small town. I always thought there had to be something more out there. I was bored with the way that NOTHING ever happened there. I complained about eating Dairy King all the time. I hated not even having a decent grocery store in town. My parents always tried to tell me it wasn't that bad and that some day I'd appreciate it. I grew up and moved away. Yet, when it came time for me have a family and put my first child in school, I wanted to be back in that same town. I didn't want my daughter to feel lost in a big school where she was just another number. Well, a series of events occurred forcing us to leave our little has we'd grown to love and town I knew like the back of my hand. A couple of moves later and I'm still trying to find that "safe place" that was provided to me all my life. I can't find my niche in a town or in a job. I miss my parents so much that I tear up writing this. I miss my family and friends so much that my heart hurts. There are days it hits me out of nowhere and my emotions make it hard to breathe. All those times of my parents telling me, "You're going to miss this" I never listened or believed. Now I wonder if it's too late. We moved to try and provide a better life, but how is it better if you're miserable? Then again, how can I make the kids move again and switch schools again? I can't turn their lives upside down and make them pay for the mistakes that I've made. Is there a way to find that happy medium?