Friday, August 7, 2009

Grumpy

I think that is my new name. It seems that is what Nathan and the kids are calling me as of late. But, I can't blame them. I am GRUMPY. I did something stupid. I decided that I would attempt to get off of my Paxil. I'm not sure why I made that decision. It must have been temporary insanity. But, I know it was a mistake. I know that a lot of people look down on other people who take this type of medicine. Or they have some kind of pre-conceived notion of what "kind" of people take it. But let me tell you, I didn't ask for this. Anxiety and depression run in my family. I think almost every female on either side suffer from one or both. For many years I suffered through it; barely being able to go out to dinner or go shopping without feeling like I was going to get sick or hyperventilate, or both. After many heart to hearts with family members, friends and my doctor we all came to the conclusion that the stigma of being medicated was worth it if I could lead a "normal" life. Well, fast forward to a few weeks ago. I thought I was doing OK and for some reason thought I'd be brilliant and attempt to live my life without my Paxil. Bad idea. I often have days where I feel like I can hardly breathe or like I am coming out of my skin. It has been exasterbated by issues going on at work. I've come to the conclusion that I will most likely have to be on this for the rest of my life. But, I am finally growing OK with it. Some people just need "help" and I guess I am one of those people. (And I really can't believe I just shared that with the entire internet world.)

2 comments:

MamaMia said...

I hear you. I need something. I am tired of being depressed and mentally exhausted. I'm here if you need to vent.

~* N *~ said...

It's ok to need a med to function better. Nothing wrong with that, there are so many people who also have similar issues. I need one to live like a normal person and not sleep my life away. I sometimes hate having to remember to take the med, but I'd rather be the person I am w/ the help than forgo.

I don't think anyone judges you for needing paxil. If they do, there is something wrong with them.