That's my life right now. Just when I thought things were going my way, I got side-swiped. And what's worse, is it was by someone near and dear to me. As hard as it is, I have had to make the decision to remove this person not only from my life, but the lives of my children.
It is one thing to hurt ME, or disappoint ME. It is another thing all-together to hurt or disappoint my kids. I can no longer make excuses or mend hearts, especially when mine is broken. I can't explain things to them when I don't understand.
My children are everything to me. They are the beat of my heart, the breath to my life. I know I can't always shelter them from harm, but I can at least try for now. I can only hope that things will get better and that history won't repeat itself.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Testing...Testing...1, 2, 3...
I am not a good "test" person. I will be the first to admit it. I am not a book-smart person. But, for some reason I decided to test to be a police officer. Yep, you read right; I will have a gun. Well, maybe. With the dissolution of emergency dispatch and the forming of a 24 hour records unit, it has made it necessary to make staffing cuts. The Department has decided to create a "station officer" position. Unlike Wichita whose BOF's are civilians, Derby has decided that theirs will be fully commissioned. That means those of us that apply have to go through the testing, and if selected we go to the 14 week academy in Hutchinson.
Most of you don't know, but being an officer is something I have wanted to do for a very long time. I remember shortly after hiring on at Derby, having a conversation with my Lieutenant about my goals and aspirations. I had planned on getting on as a reserve then ended up pregnant. Twice. Then kids and life in general took over. I never stopped wanting to pursue the career, but there were other things more important. However, I am one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason. As much as I was upset about them dissolving dispatch, I feel like I was put in this place to pursue my goal. I feel that a door has been opened and I have been given the chance I'd been hoping for. But, I also truly believe that if I don't get it, it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes in life we just need to be tested.
So, now begins the process. On Friday I will take a written exam. (Yikes!) It will consist of math (double yikes), reading comprehension, spelling/grammar, sentence structure and essay. I feel like I'm about to take the CAT test all over again. Each section is timed and is required that you receive at least a 70%. Once that is done, I will take the physical agility in which I have 1 minute, 43 seconds to run around our station, up flight of stairs then back down, drag a 150 pound dummy for 30 feet, roll under a garage door that is open 18 inches, recite my alphabet then dry fire a pistol 6 times and a shotgun 4 times. I am not afraid to admit that I am scared out of my mind. There is more to the hiring process, but this is the first step. If I don't pass, I don't move on.
So, that's what's new in my world. If you think about it on Friday, say a prayer for me!
Most of you don't know, but being an officer is something I have wanted to do for a very long time. I remember shortly after hiring on at Derby, having a conversation with my Lieutenant about my goals and aspirations. I had planned on getting on as a reserve then ended up pregnant. Twice. Then kids and life in general took over. I never stopped wanting to pursue the career, but there were other things more important. However, I am one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason. As much as I was upset about them dissolving dispatch, I feel like I was put in this place to pursue my goal. I feel that a door has been opened and I have been given the chance I'd been hoping for. But, I also truly believe that if I don't get it, it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes in life we just need to be tested.
So, now begins the process. On Friday I will take a written exam. (Yikes!) It will consist of math (double yikes), reading comprehension, spelling/grammar, sentence structure and essay. I feel like I'm about to take the CAT test all over again. Each section is timed and is required that you receive at least a 70%. Once that is done, I will take the physical agility in which I have 1 minute, 43 seconds to run around our station, up flight of stairs then back down, drag a 150 pound dummy for 30 feet, roll under a garage door that is open 18 inches, recite my alphabet then dry fire a pistol 6 times and a shotgun 4 times. I am not afraid to admit that I am scared out of my mind. There is more to the hiring process, but this is the first step. If I don't pass, I don't move on.
So, that's what's new in my world. If you think about it on Friday, say a prayer for me!
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