Epic Fail

Do you ever feel like a failure? I do. A lot.

A couple of posts back I made some goals for myself. Guess what? I have failed at them. I haven't been working out like I want. It started out because I hurt my knee. Then I got sick. Now I just have no motivation. FAIL.

I also mentioned that I wanted to find a church and begin going. Haven't done it. What's weird is that I want to SO MUCH. But, I am scared to go. I'm scared of people judging me because I have lost my way and it's been a long time since I have worshipped.

Sometimes I feel like I am failing as a parent. I easily lose my patience and snap at the kids. I don't always set the best example. I try to teach them right from wrong, yet I catch them doing things they shouldn't do and talking in tones that are destructive instead of constructive. Then I have to look at myself. I talk that way. I've tried to justify it by saying I'm 32 and I've earned the right, but the truth is I don't need to speak that way, either. At times I feel I've failed the kids because we don't belong to a church. I grew up in church and always thought my kids would, too. But somehow that hasn't happened. The kids go to Bible school every Wednesday and really enjoy it and that just drives it home even more that I have failed in that aspect. I know my kids love me and they probably don't even notice that I am failing. But I know in my heart that I have made too many mistakes.

A few years ago Nathan and I attended Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. We learned about money management and budgeting and how to get out of debt. We were on the right path for a while, but somewhere we lost our way. I could make a thousand excuses as to why it happened, but they will all fall short. The truth is we got lazy. It was easier to spend the money than save it. We didn't fail Dave, we failed each other.

Do you think that Jesus ever feels like he has failed? Do you think when He looks at our failures that He feels like He has failed? That hurts me. I would never want my parents to feel as if they failed and sure wouldn't want Jesus to feel that way. But how do I fix this? How do I find the strength and faith in myself to make things better?

My Favorite Things

I think this week I am going to posting some of my favorite things. With spring and summer coming I am itching to get into my "fun" shoes. So, these are my FAVORITE pair of shoes. They are by "Not Rated". I found them last year at Lucinda's and fell in love. I can't wait to pull out these jewels!

Goals

Most people make New Year's Resolutions. I've tried doing that in the past, only to fail. I'm not big on failure. So, I've decided that this year I need to set myself some short-term goals throughout the year. Now, I did set one long-term goal. I mentioned it in a previous post. It is to help more people than I hurt. I am working on it. I am trying to make my words kinder and my tone softer. It's a work in progress (as am I).

Now for my goals.

#1: Get close to God again. I bought a devotional for busy moms and I plan on starting it today. I think that if my relationship with God is strengthened then maybe some of these other things in my life will fall into place.

#2: Work out 3 days a week for the next 30 days. I started out the year all gung-ho but have faded. Time to get back on track.

#3: No new clothing purchases for me for 6 months. That's a toughy. If you know me, you know I LOVE to shop. But, I dont' NEED to shop. I have plenty of clothes in my wardrobe and I'm going to make them work.

#4: No new clothing purchases for the kids for the next 6 months that aren't needed. I have to do this because in 6 months it will be back to school time and the kids are all at ages where growth spurts are a mainstay.

#5: Get back on the Dave Ramsey plan. Nathan and I did well for a while, but when we moved back and took pay cuts, we relapsed into our old habits. I'm tired of bills being late and getting calls. I'm tired of the stress.

See why #1 is getting close with God? I really feel like something is missing in my life and He is that piece. I know that if our relationship is rekindled that I can be unstoppable. "I can all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Tragedy Strikes

Tragedy has once again befallen my small hometown. Yesterday two precious lives were lost. A 3 year old girl and her 4 year old sister were killed in a housefire. I can't begin to imagine the heartache the family is going through. Please lift up the family and our community in prayers. It has left us all with broken hearts and unanswered questions. I still can't seem to wrap my mind around all of this. (I mean, Grayson is 4 years old.) God now has two new angels by his side.

Lord, whose ways are beyond understanding, listen to the prayers of your faithful people: that those weighed down by grief at the loss of these little girls
may we find reassurance in your infinite goodness.

Biting My Tongue

You can ask most anyone who really knows me and they will tell you that I am not one to mince words. I tend to speak my mind, sometimes a bit too freely. I at times lack a filter. My main goal this year is to help more people than I hurt. While it sounds simple, I'm sure it won't be. Today I was reading an article by Phil Ware titled "Ohnosecond!" It's about those little seconds in life where you think "Oh No!" We all have them. (Mine normally occur at work when I've entered something incorrectly but I've already hit enter.) He gave some great advice on how to avoid some of those bigger "ohnoseconds" in life. He said, "Remember the importance of your words. Don't be overly quick to say things, render opinions,or pontificate. Words leave a long residue of stain and pain when they are spoken irresponsibly." That hit home for me. You probably remember when we were young we had the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Well, we know that isn't true. Often, words hurt the most. You can't take them back once they are out there. He also said, "Listen to others instead of just riding out their conversation. To be heard, really heard, is about the greatest blessing we can give someone else." Again, very true. So many times we might "hear" what someone is saying but we aren't listening to them. Put away your cell phone, shut off the TV and become actively involved in conversations. Finally, he said, "Rather than trying to fix what we've said and try to ocme up with something clever or something to cover during that ohnosecond, we need to ask for forgiveness. Not effusively, not repeatedly, just simply: 'I'm really sorry. That was stupid (or insensitive) of me. Please forgive me.' For many people, I think this may be the hardest. It's hard to admit we've done wrong. But, we need to take the time to be adults and admit our mistakes. Your heart will feel so much better by not having that weight on it. I'm hoping by remembering these few things I can eliminate some of the ohnoseconds in my life.

Shred is now a bad word in my dictionary of life...

If you follow me on facebook, you've seen me make a couple of posts about "Shred". It is a workout video by the demon Jilian Michaels of "The Biggest Loser". I'd read about it on the Suburban Turmoil blog some time back and it kept creaping into my psyche. Now, if you all know me well, you know I would rather roll around in broken glass then exercise. But, I feel it's a bad sign when you go to the doctor for an ear infection (which really wasn't, but that's neither here nor there) and he gets on you about your weight. Wasn't aware the two were related, but apparently he felt the need to find the correlation. But, it was also what I needed. When we were living in Olathe, I lost a bunch of weight (nearly 40 pounds). In the year and a half since we've been back, I've put most of that back on. I've been trying to ignore the size of my pants or how I used to look all slim and svelte in certain tops and now they hug me a little more than they should. But, it isn't all about vanity, either. High cholesterol runs in my family and it has invaded my life. My cholesterol is almost 100 points higher than it should be. At 32 that is unacceptable. (OK at any age it is unacceptable.) I have four kids and a husband to think about and I'd like to enjoy grandkids someday. So, that's what kicked my butt down the fitness aisle at the store. There it was, staring me in the face. Jilian was looking at me. Taunting me. I could here her whispering that there was no way I could master her video. So, I grabbed it up, threw it in my cart, added some hand weights and headed for the checkout. For a few days the video sat on my dresser. I looked at it, but wasn't quite ready. After all, I had New Year's Eve and Mariah's birthday lunch that I had to get through first. I made Monday THE day. I took the kids to school, came home, changed clothes and popped Jilian into the DVD player. I was thinking positive that I wasn't in THAT bad of shape. I mean, surely level one wouldn't be that bad. WRONG. I was ready to strangle Jilian and her fabulous-looking sidekicks about 3 minutes into the exercise. (Not counting the warm-up) But, I persevered and finished. I was sweaty and out of breath. But, I'd done it. I was proud of myself. I decided to drink my water and treat myself to some computer time before bed. Big mistake. I could barely get out of my chair because my legs were now made of rubber. I hurt everywhere. By the next morning I didn't feel too bad so I attempted day 2. I did a little better, but am now more sore. But, the funny thing is, I feel good. I am doing something to improve my life. I am setting an example for my kids. When I get brave enough I will post pictures of "before" and then throughout the process. As good as I feel though, I'd still give anything to strangle Jilian!

Scrapbooker's Delight

With the holidays just around the corner, I find myself perusing Etsy a little more than normal. I'm involved in several gift exchanges and always like to find something a little different. I came across Hebeaccessories and found this adorable tape. I have a "thing" for matroyshka dolls, so this is right up my alley. If I scrapbooked I would probably squeal with delight opening this little treasure. So, check them out! Lots of cute stuff and oh so affordable!



http://www.etsy.com/shop/Hebeaccessories