Am I a Loser???

I sure hope so! The City of Derby is sponsoring a Biggest Loser contest for city employees. While I was in Gardner I worked really hard on getting my weight off, but since we've moved back I've been slacking and have started putting the weight back on. YIKES! So, I am hoping that this, paired with my other mommy friends working on getting healthy will be what I need to get my butt in gear. I've battled my weight for as long as I can remember. (But seriously, what was I thinking calling myself "fat" when I was a size 1??? I haven't seen that number for a long time unless there was another number following it!) I'm going to get an elliptical for the house, because I don't have and can't afford a gym membership. So, wish me luck and hopefully by summer you'll see an improved Marissa!

How do you stop history from repeating itself?

A very dear friend of mine (I will call her "K"), albeit MUCH younger, but still dear just found out she is pregnant. She is young, unmarried and her boyfriend is a complete tool. This girl has been a part of my life for quite a few years and has really become part of my family. I've often told her mom how much she reminds me of myself at that age. Goes to show I wasn't too far off. This time nine years ago I was sitting my parents down and telling them that I was pregnant. I'll never forget that look of disappointment in their eyes. Now K is going through the same thing. She has a crappy, dead-end job with no prospect of advancement, she is young and doesn't have a specialized skill, but worst of all, she has a boyfriend that she loves more than he loves her. How do I make her see that she is better than that and that she deserves better than that? I grew up in a fairly strict family, so making things work was a given. But how do I let her know she doesn't have to follow that same path? That just because he's the father doesn't make him a good life partner, much less a good dad? How do I make her see that she has worth and that she can do this without him? I've made the best of my situation, but I want more for her.

When is Enough, Enough?

How long do you attempt to communicate with someone knowing it does no good? How many restless, sleepless nights do you go before taking action? How many normal conversations turned arguments do you have before you stop talking? How long do you go knowing you are giving all of yourself but knowing the person isn't? How long do you take to decide that leaving is easier than staying?

40 Tips for 2009

It's funny how things show up just when you need them. A friend of mine who probably doesn't even read this emailed this to me. It really struck a chord. Yesterday I needed to vent in a bad, bad way. Today I am in a better place and ready to put some of these to the test.

40 Tips for a Better Life - 2009

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2008.

7. Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of six.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants. Eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let ne w and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, or issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime .

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. REMEMBER GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!)

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

40. Let the LOVE that comes into your life, go out of your life.

Party Pics

5 Years

Where has the time gone? Middle Bit turned 5 today. It doesn't seem possible. She was our little miracle baby. (Not that I don't believe all babies are miracles.) But, we worked so hard to get her here. It was a long, touchy pregnancy and she was born perfectly healthy. She had an angel watching over her, because her cord had a perfect, complete knot that baffled the doctor. My dark-headed princess is now a blond-haired diva. We celebrated today with family. She wanted a cake in the shape of a purse, so I tried my hand at cake-making/decorating. It turned out ok, but I definitely need some classes! But, she liked it so that was what was important. She got to celebrate her day with those that love her. Tomorrow she has her first day of pre-kindergarten. My baby isn't a baby anymore.

A Year of Change

It's hard to believe it is New Years Eve day. This year has gone by so fast. It has been a year filled with changes, most of them positive. (Putting on weight that I worked my arse off to lose is NOT one of those positive changes.) Nathan and I have had rough patches, but we are really trying to work on our relationship. The kids have grown exponentially, in so many ways. They never cease to amaze me. (Or irritate the crap out of me, but I guess that's their job.) I decided to take charge of my happiness and made some command decisions. As much as I miss my friends in Olathe, moving back has been a great thing. I've become closer to my brother and sister in law and that brings so much joy to my heart. I've reconnected with old friends and made some amazing new friends at work. I've started recarving my niche at DPD and really like my job for the first time in a long time. Sometimes starting over at the bottom isn't a bad thing. I've made a point to put myself "out there" and joined in activities on my mom's group and have formed friendships that are true lifesavers. I never knew what it was like to have friends like this. My life is so much fuller because of them. I never knew that Bunco and MNO could bring so much laughter!

So now we look onto 2009. I imagine it will bring about many more changes. While I'd love to lost 20 pounds, I'm not putting that expectation on myself. What I do expect is to bring on a healthier lifestyle for myself and my family. Mariah starts her schooling on January 5th. She'll be a peer model for the early childhood classes. She is ecstatic. In the fall she will start Kindergarten and Haley will begin 4th grade. Grayson will soon begin preschool. It will be strange to not have to fix boo-boos, quiet screams, and wipe away tears. I suppose Nathan will expect me to be a better housekeeper. I'll have to work on that. I have a nephew who is expected to make his entrance any day. I can't wait to meet Connor and see Peyton interact with him. My friend Christie is also due soon. I imagine Ms. Ivy will be just as beautiful as her older sister. Nathan and I started Financial Peace in 2008. While we have gotten off track, we are making it a goal to start over and use the tools we were taught.

I can't wait to see what this year brings; the laughter and the tears. It is sure to be a year I will never forget.